Well the savings are going pretty good. Instead of putting the money into my back account I get it exchanged for foreign currency. It’s very hard to spend Euro’s in New Zealand so this does prevent any unneccessary spending. I’m also still researching and tweeking things here and there. I come across a message board about the tour I am going on and my heart sinks. A lot of the posts are saying that when you add up the cost of tour, the optional extra’s, the transport to get into the city (as their hotels are on the outskirts) it doesn’t really become much of a cost saver plus you spend most of your time on a coach with 50 other people. I knew the tour was going to cost a bit with adding in the optional extras but after reading that I look into it a bit more. I look at what I would be doing without the optional extras and I can’t say it was very much! I start thinking about it all quite a bit and research how much it would cost if I was to travel Italy on my own. I look at hostels, trains, food prices and work out that I could acutally see Italy on my own for half the price! Yes I would be alone but I would meet people in Hostels and I’ll be in Hostels for the rest of the trip anyway so I might as well start straight away. I email my travel agent (she ignores my emails the first 3 times until I complain) and eventually get in there to cancel the tour. She tries to convince me to stay on it but I refuse (I know she gets paid a commission for anything like that).

So now that the tour is cancelled I am back to researching and planning. I will now definitely have to use the credit card on my trip but it still works out a lot cheaper. Italy is a very cheap country to visit which is a real bonus I had my tour booked for there!

Now you may be wondering how I am feeling at this point? Well I am shi**ing myself! The reality of this trip has now dawned on me and I am petrified. Every news item I hear about someone being stabbed by Isis, or a truck running people down or a tourist being robbed really plays on my anxiety. I have thoughts about cancelling the whole trip. I can’t cancel it though. I know I will regret it if I did. I would of wasted so much money also as I have booked all of my transport and flights. I perservere.

As the days get closer I actually start to get excited again! One thing that has definitely helped has been reading travel blogs, watching travel video’s on YouTube, watching Vlogs and reading articles about travelling with depression and anxiety. You know what? They all say once you’re there you will see its not as scary as you think. I try to keep this in my mind and tell myself I have been through some tough times and survived. I know I can do this. So many other people have before me so why can’t it be the same for me?